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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"