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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."