Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.