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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.