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Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.