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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Iām a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
is in no shape to exercise
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.