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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.