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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.