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My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Word for the day is asstard
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.