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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.