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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
Don`t act like your not impressed.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar