Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
My body needs a refresh button.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.