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What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.