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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
Lol at birds that walk places.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
I fake my LOLs
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..