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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?