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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...