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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.