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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.