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Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
I was born to be happy… not normal.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well