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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.