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Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.