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If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.