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So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
My body needs a refresh button.