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Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.