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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
Velcro is a ripoff
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!