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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.