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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.