Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!