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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.