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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours