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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel