Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.