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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?