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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.