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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.