Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.