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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?