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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."