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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?