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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Walmart needs observation decks.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.