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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
This is a lousy dating site.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.