Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.