Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.