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I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
status uploading
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
My own personal hell sounds great, actually
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.