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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.