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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.