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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.