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My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...