Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..