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Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you