Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.