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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.