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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I miss the life I planned in my head.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
I dream about naps.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."