Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you hugged you bartender today.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.