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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.