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I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Mondays are middle finger approved
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
This day needs more yesterday.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.