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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?