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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes