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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
It`s no fun if you have permission.