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Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC