Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
there is no strong beer, only weak men
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.