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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.