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I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.