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You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."