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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....