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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.