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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did