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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.