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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.