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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
take me drunk i`m home
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
What about a To-Don`t List?
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??