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"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.