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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.