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I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.