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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.