Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.