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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...