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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?