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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.