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Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.