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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."