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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.