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Before the internet I used to like people.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.