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Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.