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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?