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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...