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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
I’m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don’t want to hang out with you now… but I’m still very proud…
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.