Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"