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"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I just awesomed all over the place.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.