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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.